This past week, being a big brother has become reality for Dexter. We have discussed his baby sister with him loads over the past few months, but how much he understood was always a little unclear. He never questioned the fact that a baby was growing in my tummy. That she would take a long time to arrive (6 months of knowing is like a lifetime at that age). That actually at the end of it, there would be a real life little human being that would be coming home to live with us!
He was fast asleep in bed when I went into hospital to give birth. Shane was home when he woke up the next morning to give him the good news and show him a picture of her. He told Dexter that Rayna was his new baby sister and she would be coming home soon to meet him. But he had a long wait at his Nan's until we were discharged from the hospital.
Dexter has always spoke fondly of his baby sister whilst I was pregnant. He would often tell me of all the lovely things he would do as her big brother. That he would feed her, look after her, share his toys with her. But I absolutely expected a certain element of sulking when we actually introduced them....
...I was so wrong! He was so interested in her. We'd bought him a goodie-bag full of Spiderman shiz as a present from her to cushion this huge change to his current life. He loved it. He gave her a little kiss on the forehead and thanked her. My heart melted.
As the days went on, Dexter would prove to be an even better big brother than we could ever have hoped. He started to become more comfortable around her and more used to her being here. He'd constantly hold her hand or kiss her. He attentively goes over to the bouncer if she makes a noise to check she is ok or recover her blanket if it has been kicked off onto the floor.
As Rayna then started to open her eyes more and more, he was very keen on making sure that his face was one of the first she would get to know. He loves to get close to her and she seems to be mesmorised in return. A face to go with the voice she already knows so well <3 The other night we were getting Rayna ready for bed and she spent the longest amount of time to-date with her eyes open just gazing at Dexter. He held her hand and talked to her. She was so calm as we changed her for bed.
Rayna has been in the world and part of his life for a whole week now and so far the novelty has not yet worn thin. Quite the opposite, in fact. He wants to help out and be involved as much as possible.
But let me tell you, adjusting to life with two children is hard. It's taking more of an emotional toll than a physical one to be honest. Maybe other mums feel the same, maybe it's just me, I don't know but it's hard not to feel like a bad mum to your older child when you bring a new addition into the mix. Dexter has been the centre of our world for over 3 years and all of a sudden he has to share his position with someone else. He has had undivided attention from both his parents for all that time and now there is a needy new baby around that dominates that attention, taking it away from him :(
He helps out with his big brother duties but then seems that he doesn't reap some reward in return. Arranging activities to keep him busy is difficult to fit in at the moment. And spending time getting involved with said activities alongside him, even more so. My abdominal muscles separated during pregnancy so for the time being I've not been able to pick him up and cuddle him the way I did before. My stitches have made moving or sitting in certain positions virtually impossible so I have not been able to sit cuddling on his beanbag for bedtime stories. Argh! I know it's only been a week but it so hard not to feel mega guilt!!!!
But he's been an absolute star about it all. The guilt is all my own making. He hasn't once made me feel like I'm a bad mum. I think the fact that he continues to be so happy, lively and so freaking awesome about everything is what makes me feel worse :/
But as I'm slowly starting to feel a little more human again, tonight I put my first-born baby to bed myself for the first time in over a week. He picked out two stories, climbed into bed and I sat down beside him for a cuddle. I stretched out the stories as long as I could. We talked about the pictures and laughed about this and that. When we had finished and it was time for kisses and cuddles I laid my head next to his on the pillow for a few minutes just soaking it all up. It was amazing to have a moment together, just me and him like old times.
He's done so well at being accepting of the fact that moving forward he's got to share us, so now it's more important than ever for me to show him that this doesn't mean that he get's anything less xx
